Revival

Let me ask you something. 

Are you ever real with yourself? 

If you were asked what do you think about yourself? 

Honestly and without fear of judgement. 

What would you say? 

If you were someone else would you want to be your friend? 

Would you date yourself? 

Realistically. 

Are you being the person you want to be? 

Don't worry. 

I'm not looking for the actual answer. 

Questions like those take time to figure out. 

Just wanted to give you something to think about. 

A glimpse into my personal turmoil.

If I had to answer now I would tell you that I'm very displeased with myself right now. I was hit so hard it knocked me completely off my axis. To the point that I don't even trust myself to make decisions. 

So, this is me ripping myself off the ground. Digging myself out this hole that I've been hibernating in and prepare to make that first step towards recovery.

Notice I didn't say healing. For I cannot be healed. At this moment I do not wish to be either. This is me going back to my roots. Processing in my way as a desperate attempt to get to know WHO THE HELL I AM.

What makes moving forward so difficult is the leaving behind. The letting go. At this moment I am not ready to.

So here's my plan. I'm going back one last time. I want to talk about what happened. Tell the stories that gave rise to this version of me. Face the nightmares head on. Who knows? Maybe I'll be ready to leave them behind this time.

Just note, I'm doing this for me. 

Not clocking for views or followers. Not looking for approval or acceptance. I'm interacting with myself the good old fashion way. Remembering my original passion which is writing. 

My childhood dream was to be a writer. Along the way I have forgotten that. Buried that dream with doubts that I was never good enough to try. 

So I'm going to write to myself. This is optimistic me reaching out to hurting me attempting to ignite hope. 

You'll soon understand why that seems like an impossible feat. 

For some reason I'm open to the task. Though life has given up on me. I'm not quite ready yet to give up on myself. 

On that note.....

Here we go! 

Chapter 1