Calamity

 Chapter 2

For this next part...

I need you to keep your fucking opinions to yourself.

Yes...I'm talking to myself. I knew going back would be painful. I'm prepared for that.

But guilt! has always been my weakness. The feeling I easily succumb to so know you are writing this with caution.

He was at a crossroad. I hold this theory that you were purposely self destructing because you felt suffocated and limited with corporate life.You saw more for yourself. What was once second nature for you became problematic. You kept finding yourself in trouble. Going through job after job like a revolving door and that was NOT you. 

You were always a provider. But during this time maintaining stability was difficult for you. The strain you put on me as a result I truly believe you didn't care. If it wasn't what you wanted, you didn't try. 

Your drive started to decrease. Our connection became lost. In addition, the burden of trying to stay afloat somehow fell solely on me. We were in darkness together and neither one of us had the tools to bring us out. 

I loved you. With every fiber in my being I love you. 

But....

I started to not like you. I started to not want you anymore. 

Fuck it!

Let's be honest. I started hating you and you started resenting me. We became cold to each other. Not communicating unless we have to. Sex dissipating. This  uneasy energy that filtered our bedroom at night when all the distractions that protected us from interacting with each other were asleep. It was so bad that you would leave a room every time I entered. 

I started to fantasize about separating. It no longer felt like love. More like obligation.

Like we were in it because we made a promise to God and neither one of us wanted to fail.   

In brutal truth I lost faith in you. In us really.

All the while you wanted to start a business. That's all you showed interest in. Even though you had no clear plan on how to execute it realistically. You have a habit of being forgetful, naive, and your thought process never made any damn sense. Still, you wanted us to bet it all on you with no guarantee.

 It was hard for me to get on board with your vision. 

I just wanted security. Romance. Attention. Time. I wanted the old you. The man that treated me like I was his only passion. I was tired of feeling like the man in the relationship. The person who called all the shots because you couldn't be bothered to figure it out for yourself. Not only did I bear the financial strain of the family I also took on the logistics as well. 

Needless to say our marriage was dying.

So when a walk with the dogs turned into our seven year old daughter getting HIT BY A CAR!

One could've bet that would be the end of us.

Maybe it should've been.

Chapter 3